Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Have You Ever Noticed:

If you are doing something messy, like kneading dough or working on
the car....your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

If you drop something small like any tool, nut, bolt, screw, thimble, thread,
needle it will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act.

If you dial a wrong number,
you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

If you change lines in a store or lanes on the highway,
the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES
dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle,
always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times
to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end
of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats
come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies
and stay to the bitter end of the performance. 

The aisle people also are very surly folk.

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,
your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor,
are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

As soon as you find a product that you really like,
they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!!

If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor,
by the time you get there you'll feel better..
But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

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