Friday, September 19, 2014

Why Men Are Never Depressed

Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all  yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too  icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a  bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux  rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation  requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
If someone forgets to invite you,  He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You  have  freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas  shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in  25 minutes.
Men Are Just Happier  People
If Laura, Kate and  Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.  If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each  other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
Eating Out:
When the  bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though  it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none  will actually admit they want change back.
When the  girls get their bill, out come the pocket  calculators...YEP!!!
A man will pay $2 for a  $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
A man has six items in  his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of  soap, and a towel.
The average number of  items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to  identify more than 20 of these items.
A woman has the last word in any  argument.
Anything a  man says after that is the beginning of a new  argument.
A woman worries about  the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries  about the future until he gets a wife.
A  woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A  man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
Dressing Up:
A woman will dress up  to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone,  read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for church, weddings and funerals.
Men wake  up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow  deteriorate during the night.
Ah, children. A woman  knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and  romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and  dreams.
A man is vaguely aware  of some short people living in the house.
Thought For The Day:
A married  man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering  the same thing!
SO,  send this to the women  who have a sense of humor and who can handle it  ....
and to the men who will  enjoy reading it.

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