Mother's Day

A man stopped at a flower shop to order some flowers to be wired to his mother who lived two hundred miles away.

As he got out of his car he noticed a young girl sitting on the curb sobbing.

He asked her what was wrong and she replied, “I wanted to buy a red rose for my mother and I don’t have enough money.”

The man smiled and said, “Come on in with me. I’ll buy you a rose.”

He bought the little girl her rose and ordered his own mother’s flowers.

As they were leaving he offered the girl a ride home. She said, “Yes, please! You can take me to my mother.”
She directed him to a cemetery, where she placed the rose on a freshly dug grave.

The man returned to the flower shop, canceled the wire order, picked up a bouquet and drove the two hundred miles to his mother’s house.

Author Unknown

Kid's Say Some Of The Funniest Things

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels
and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions,
She merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

A mother was driving with her three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of them stood up and waved.
She was stark naked!
As mama was reeling from the shock,
she heard her 5-year-old shout from the back seat,
'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter
to answer the phone.. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to
you right now, she's hitting the bottle."

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school,
I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.
Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked,
'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.
My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.
Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her.
'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me,
"would you please tie my shoe?"

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a
little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van,
finally he said, "What'd he do"

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo,
she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed,
they had secured a small box and cotton batting,
then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
"Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes."

A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up
the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that
had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,
"I think it's Adam's underwear!"

A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother.
"I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"

Did You Ever Wonder....,

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that to stop Windows 95, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address,
 you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,
and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

How come we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

How come sheep don't shrink when it rains but a wool sweater does when you wash it?

Chick-fil-A Update

Two  years    ago Chick-fil-A made national headlines when company president Dan Cathy spoke out in support of traditional marriage. Liberals and gays came unglued and launched massive protests against the restaurant chain. 

 

Several mayors  spoke out saying they would not allow any more Chick-fil-A's to be built in their  cities.
     
They tried boycotting the Christian owned  company, but that backfired. Instead, Chick-fil-A had a world record day with many locations selling out of food to the hundreds of thousands of supporters.  Is it any surprise that the only news the liberal mainstream media has reported concerning Chick-fil-A has only been the negative?
 
Remember last week when the ice storm hit the south? The mainstream media showed  footage of miles of cars stranded on the frozen interstates.  Several  national news broadcasts that I saw reported about school kids trapped on buses for almost 24 hours because of all of the ice and parents goi ng frantic wondering where their kids were.
 
In all of the icy gloom and doom, I bet you didn't hear about the heroic and generous actions of a Chick-fil-A  along Highway 280 in Birmingham, Alabama, did you?
 
Mark Meadows,  owner of the Chick-fil-A closed early the day of  the storm and sent all of his employees home.  However, the employees and Meadows soon discovered that they were not going to be able to get home with all of the stranded motorists stuck on the roads.  Some of the cars near the restaurant had been stranded for up to 7 hours.
     
Audrey Pitt, manager of the Chick-fil-A described the conditions: 

"Our store is about a  mile and a half from the interstate and it took me two hours to get there.  It was a parking lot as far as I could    see.  At one point there  were more people walking than driving." 
 
Meadows and his employees fired up the kitchen and began preparing chicken sandwiches  as fast as they could. They prepared several hundred sandwiches and then Meadows and his staff headed out and began distributing the hot meals to the stranded  motorists on both sides of Highway 280.
 
Some of the drivers tried to pay them for the sandwiches, but Meadows and his employees refused to take a single  penny. Pitt explained why: "This company is based on taking care of people and loving  people before you're worried about money or profit. We were  just trying to follow the mod el that we've all worked under for so long and the model that we've come to love. There was really nothing else we could have done but try to help people any way we could."
 
However, Meadows and Pitt were not through with their Good Samaritan efforts.  They helped push cars off the roads, up inclines and whatever else they could do to help. Then they kept the restaurant open overnight so that stranded motorists could have a warm place to be.  A number of motorists slept in booths or on
the benches.
  

Then in the morning, they again fired up the kitchen and prepared chicken biscuits for their overnight guests and once again they refused to accept any payment.  

 

During that 24 hour period,  this Chick-fil-A restaurant opened their kitchen, their doors and their hearts to hundreds of stranded motorists and they did so refusing to accept any payment.  As one source put it, Meadows and his staff lived up to the  words Jesus spoke in  Matthew 25:35 which states:
 
"For I was hungry,  and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you  invited Me in."

 

There actions were truly generous and heroic as they also braved the frigid temperatures to hand out hundreds of hot meals to complete strangers. And I bet you never heard anything from the mainstream media. Their actions were never heard about in the public.

 

Had it been a group of homosexuals or atheists,  it would have been all over the news from coast to coast. It was  too  much  against their liberal standards to report  a Christian company doing something so positive for so many.
 
We  need to support this and all Christian  companies.
      

Pass this along and bypass the media!

The Rules Of Chocolate

 

 If you get melted chocolate all over your hands,
 you're eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices
 and strawberries all count as fruit,
so eat as many as you want.

The problem:
How to get two pounds of chocolate home
 from the store in a hot car.

The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal.

It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total
daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in
the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate,
 what's wrong with you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top
 of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they
will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

 

Chocolate has many preservatives.

 Preservatives make you look younger.

Why is there no such organization as
 Chocoholics Anonymous?

Because no one wants to quit.

Put eat chocolate at the top of your list of things to do today.

 That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

A Few Of My Favorite Things

 (Sung To The Tune To: The Sound of Music)

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
 Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
 Bundles of magazines tied up with string,
 These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs, cataracts, hearing aids, eye-glasses,
 Polident, Fixodent, false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
 These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
 When the knees go bad,
Then I remember my favorite things
 And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
 No spicy hot food nor food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
 These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
 Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin'.
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames
 When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, when the hips break,
 When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
 And then I don't feel so bad.

Baked Stuffed Apples

I used to love these when I was a little girl! They look so pretty and are like your very own special little apple pie! Well, I happened to have 3 apples left and a sheet of frozen pie pastry in the freezer to use up quickly before the apples got forgotten and turned to applesauce…on their own. There’s nothing more sad when fruit gets misplaced and goes bad and you have to pitch it to the birds. The birds of course are appreciative, but there’s nothing I hate more than food waste. Besides giving me a terrible guilt complex, it’s a shameful waste of money! Yes, I’ve been known to pinch pennies until Lincoln’s eyeballs are popping out, and being wasteful is just plain a pet peeve!

So what to do with them? Dinner was already planned. Actual homemade applesauce seemed silly with only 3 apples, our internet was down all day and I had searched about every cookbook I own for ideas and nothing sounded good. So, hours later, that sheet of pastry in the freezer that kept getting shoved to the back was finally looking like a darned good idea!



Finally an idea hit me…Eureka! Baked stuffed apples!! I re-opened about a dozen cookbooks for a recipe and baking times/temps but couldn’t find a single one! So I stubbornly gave up and decided to just wing-it. I was tired of racking my brain, no internet all day was frustrating enough, and I just wanted my quest to finally be done! Put a plan into some kind of action and finally have fun! 


So after hollowing out the cores, I just eyeballed the space and figured the brown sugar to a "T". I was determined by now that this was not only going to work, it was going to be perfect and fabulous.   If  I messed up coring them…. I’d chop them. If I tore the pastry beyond use…I’d make rustic tarts. The day was going to turn around and I was going to make it happen! 


And they turned out beautiful! Just like the ones I remembered from when I was a little girl at my Grandma’s house on a hot summer day! The only things missing was some homemade, hand-churned ice cream, and her. And Grandpa, who would whistle soft songs to the birds and toss a few small pieces out to them to enjoy, too.

Sitting on the porch with my Grandparents and my own little perfect “apple pie.”. Such warm, wonderful memories.

I hope these remind you of your fondest childhood memories, too! And don’t forget to pick up, or make, some good vanilla ice cream!

Source: wildflourskitchen