The Flu Square Dance

Choose your partners, one and all,
Aspirin, Advil, or Tylenol!

Now fling those covers with all you've got,
One minute cold, the next minute hot,

Circle right to the side of the bed,
Grab the tissues and Sudafed.

Back to the middle and don't goof off;
Hold your stomach and cough, cough, cough.

Forget about slippers, dash down the hall,
Toss your cookies in the shower stall.

Remember others on the brink;
Wash your hands; wash the sink.

Wipe the doorknob, light switch too,
By George, you've got the it, you're doing the Flu!

Some like it cold, some like it hot;
If you like neither, get the shot.

Source: Internet

How to Make Double Musical Notes on Facebook?

Instructions

1. Open your Internet browser and log on to your Facebook account using your email and password.

2. Click on your friend's profile and Wall text box or your status update box.

3. Press the "Num Lock" key on your keyboard and ensure that it is activated.

4. Hold down the "Alt" key and type the numbers "1" and "3" at the same time to make a single music note. For a double music note, hold down the "Alt" key and type the numbers "1" and "4" at the same time.

Source: Internet

Believe It Or Not

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 20 Chicken McNuggets.

I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twenty,"
was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the cashier had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today". She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened....

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car.
Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered,
handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries? It's a long walk."

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier paper," the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies. ! ? !

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.

The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

Source: Internet

Old Speeders

An elderly couple were driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the
highway patrol. The officer said,
"Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks,
"What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"

The woman turned to her husband and asked,
"What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave him her license.

The patrolman said, "I see you are from Arkansas.
I spent some time there once and went on a blind date
with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband and asked,
"What did he say?"

The old man yelled, "He thinks he knows you!"

Source: Internet

Test for Dementia

Below are four (4) questions You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are.

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first,

then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question.

To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last,

then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this! Are you?

Third Question:

Very tricky math!

Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20.

Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.

Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters:

1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.

What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Nunu?

NO! Of course not.

Her name is Mary. Read the question again

Hmmm! didn't do very well did you??

A Comforting Thought

There's a comforting thought
At the close of the day,
When I'm weary and lonely and sad,
That sort of grips hold of my crusty old heart
And bids it be merry and glad.

It gets in my soul and drives out the blues,
And finally thrills through and through.
It is just a sweet memory that chants the refrain,
"I'm glad for good friends like you!"

God chooses our relatives.

We choose our friends.

I'm thankful I chose you!

Source: Internet

Rainbows

Source: Internet