Men Talking

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them
to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about
to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with
"A man once told me . . ."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

If your dog is barking at the back door
and your wife is yelling at the front door,
who do you let in first?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.

Source: Internet

What Is This Made Of?

Clever and Creative

Try to guess in the first few photos what this
is made from before looking at the final photo:

Flip flops!!

Source: Internet

Protecting Old Photos

Here are a few tips to protect your old photos and help them to live forever.

1. Prevent deterioration by storing your old photographs properly. Photos need to be kept in a cool and dry location and away from moisture, humidity, and temperature fluxuations. This is difficult with framed photos on display, but if you keep copies of the framed photos elsewhere you won't have to worry. In general, keep photos away from windows and exterior walls and never store them in the basement or the attic.

2. Protect old photos by keeping them in acid free albums away from dust and dirt. Be sure that you use photo-safe adhesives in any albums and scrapbooks to prevent chemical instability in the photographs.

3. Keep negatives separated in negative sleeves. You can tell if they have deteriorated if they feel sticky, waxy, or brittle. If this is the case with negatives, take them to a photo restoration specialist to have them repaired or copied.

4. Make plenty of copies and pass them around. There is safety in numbers, and by making multiple copies of old treasured photos and storing them in multiple locations, you can ensure their survival.

5. Go digital. The best way to protect old photos is to scan them into your computer and make plenty of backup disks. Store the disks in jewel cases and keep them with your valuables. Or, store the photos online and then you don't have to worry about losing them at all.

Fact or Fiction: Medical Old Wives' Tales

In spite of highly developed medical technology and scientific research, old wives' tales continue to live on. We hear everything from the plausible "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" to the ridiculous "a cat can steal the breath from a baby's mouth." Think you can distinguish between the facts and the folklore?

Click Here to take the quiz.

Source: Discovery Health

A Test To Prepare For Motherhood?

Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test: Obtain a 55 gallon drum of LEGOs (if LEGOs are not available, you may (substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus (they turn bright red when they are unhappy). Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 a.m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test: Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove ten of the beans.

Final Assignment: Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

Source: Internet

Some Things Our Mothers Taught Us..,

Logic: "Because I said so, that's why."

To Appreciate A Job Well Done: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

Religion: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

Time Travel: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

Foresight: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

Irony: "Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

The Science Of Osmosis:"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

Contortionism: "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

Stamina: "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

Weather: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

How To Solve Physics Problems: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

Hypocrisy : "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

The Circle Of Life: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

Behavior Modification: "Stop acting like your father!"

Envy: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

Logic... "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

Medicine... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

To Think Ahead... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

To Meet a Challenge... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

Humor... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

Become an Adult... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

About Sex... "How do you think you got here?"

Genetics... "You are just like your father!"

Roots... "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

Wisdom of Age... "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

Anticipation... "Just wait until your father gets home."

Receiving... You are going to get it when we get home.

Justice "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."

Source: Internet

Student Who Obtained 0% On An Exam

I would have given him 100

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

Source: Internet