Monday, March 4, 2013
Recipe For Warshing Clothes
Years ago an Alabama grandmother gave the new bride the following recipe:
This is an exact copy as written and found in an old scrapbook -
With spelling errors and all.
Recipe Far Warshing Clothes
Build fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water. Set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert.
Shave one hole cake of lie soap in boilin water.
Sort things, make 3 piles:
1 pile white,
1 pile colored,
1 pile work britches and rags.
To make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, then thin down with boiling water.
Take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, and boil, then rub colored don't boil just wrench and starch.
Take things out of kettle with broom stick handle, then wrench, and starch.
Hang old rags on fence. Spread tea towels on grass. Pore wrench water in flower bed. Scrub porch with hot soapy water. Turn tubs upside down. Go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs.. Brew cup of tea, sit and rock a spell and count your blessings.
For you non-southerners - wrench mean rinse.
Source: Internet
The Cracked Pot
A water bearer in India had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house. The cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering
only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."
Why?" asked the bearer.
"What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."
Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots.
But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. There is a lot of good out there.
There is a lot of good in us!
Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life!
Source: Internet
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."
Why?" asked the bearer.
"What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."
Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots.
But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. There is a lot of good out there.
There is a lot of good in us!
Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life!
Source: Internet
You May Be A Redneck If...
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
Your grandmother has ever been asked to leavea bingo game because of her
language.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
The dog catcher calls for back up when visiting your house.
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.
You can't take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your underwear.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
You think "cur" is a breed of dog.
Your screen door has no screen.
You've ever eaten out of a minnow bucket.
You have hubcaps on your house but none on your car.
You bring a bar of soap to a public pool.
Source: Internet
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Southern Expressions
Southern sayings about bad character
- You're lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut.
- She’s meaner than a wet panther.
- He's a snake in the grass.
- Why that egg-suckin' dawg!
- I been running all over hell's half acre.
- She's busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor.
- I'm as busy as a one-legged cat in a sandbox.
- Busier than a moth in a mitten!
Southern sayings about conceit and vanity:
- She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.
- She’s stuck up higher than a light-pole.
Southern expressions about being broke or poor:
- Too poor to paint, too proud to whitewash.
- I'm just poor as a church mouse.
- I'm so poor I can't afford to pay attention.
- He was so poor, he had a tumbleweed as a pet.
- I couldn’t buy a hummingbird on a string for a nickel.
- I’m so poor I couldn’t jump over a nickel to save a dime.
Only A True Southerner Knows The Difference
1. Only a true Southerner knows the difference
between a hissie fit and a conniption and that you don’t “Have” them -
you “Pitch” them.
2. Only a true Southerner knows how much any fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up “a mess” (as in “a mess” of greens).
3. Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”
4. Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is - as in: “Going to town, be back directly.” (generally pronounced dreckly)
5. All true Southerners, even babies, know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.
6. All true Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
7. Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’).
8. Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far (pronounced “fur”) piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.
9. Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.
10. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
11. A true Southerner knows that “fixin’” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. (As in, I was fixin to go over to Betty Lou’s. Or, we had a huge Christmas dinner with all the fixins. Or, are you fixin my car next?).
12. Only a true Southerner knows that the term “booger” can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in “that ol’ booger,” a first name, or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.
13. Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don’t do “queues”, we do “lines,” and when we’re IN, not ON, line we talk to everybody!
14. Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.
15. True Southerners never refer to only one person as “y’all”... more than three is way more than one, it’s “all y’all”.
16. True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
17. Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food We recognize milk gravy when we see it, know what to do with it and wonder what the heck you other people eat on your biscuits.
18. When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
19. Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates it contains sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.
20. And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, “Bless her heart” and go your own way.
2. Only a true Southerner knows how much any fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up “a mess” (as in “a mess” of greens).
3. Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”
4. Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is - as in: “Going to town, be back directly.” (generally pronounced dreckly)
5. All true Southerners, even babies, know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.
6. All true Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
7. Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’).
8. Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far (pronounced “fur”) piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.
9. Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.
10. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
11. A true Southerner knows that “fixin’” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. (As in, I was fixin to go over to Betty Lou’s. Or, we had a huge Christmas dinner with all the fixins. Or, are you fixin my car next?).
12. Only a true Southerner knows that the term “booger” can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in “that ol’ booger,” a first name, or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.
13. Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don’t do “queues”, we do “lines,” and when we’re IN, not ON, line we talk to everybody!
14. Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.
15. True Southerners never refer to only one person as “y’all”... more than three is way more than one, it’s “all y’all”.
16. True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
17. Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food We recognize milk gravy when we see it, know what to do with it and wonder what the heck you other people eat on your biscuits.
18. When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
19. Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates it contains sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.
20. And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, “Bless her heart” and go your own way.
Southernisms
You know you're a Southerner when you understand the following:
He's so clumsy he'd trip over a cordless phone.
He's about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.
That's about as useful as a trap door on a canoe.
He couldn't carry a tune if he had a bucket with a lid on it.
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.
He was so fat it was easier to go over top of him than around him.
He's Higher than a Georgia pine
I'm fixin' to go down the road a piece
Dumb as a bucket of rocks.
I'll knock you so hard you'll see tomorrow today.
Somebody beat him with the ugly stick
Good night a livin'
That wall is all catawampus.
She's got more nerve than Carter's got Liver Pills.
Your behine is grass and I'm the lawnmower!
If you don't stop that crying, I'll give you something to cry about!
If a bullfrog had wings, he wouldn't bump his behine when he jumped.
I had to go around my elbow to get to my thumb.
Why are you just sitting there like a bump on a pickle.
That woman had forty 'leven kids!
Now ain't that just the berries!
She's just barking up the wrong tree.
Don't bite off more than you can chew.
Don't count your chickens until they hatch.
Don't let your mouth overload your tail.
You either fish or cut bait.
Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then.
We got the short end of the stick on that deal.
Hey don't just go hog wild.
They go to bed with the chickens.
Little Miss Priss is shore above her raisin'.
Why have you got your feathers ruffled.
He's as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.
I don't have no axe to grind.
Why do you holler like a stuck pig.
Well I do declare.
He's sittin in high cotton.
I haven't seen him or her in a coon's age.
The act like two peas in a pod.
I believe that you two need to mend fences.
Now that's scarcer than hen's teeth.
Now she's a sight for sore eyes.
Were back in our own stomping grounds.
The sun don't shine on the same dog's tail all the time.
Now that takes the cake.
That ones too big for his britches.
I can do that in two shakes of a sheep's tail.
Well, jest shut my mouth.
That boy was running around like a chicken with his head cut off!
That baby's cuter than a speckled pup in a red wagon.
It's hotter out here than two goats in a pepper patch.
That woman would argue with a fence post.
That fellow gives me the heebie jeebies.
I really ruffled her feathers.
I do declare!
I really think this time I've bitten off more than I can chew!
You're barkin' up the wrong tree now boy.
Boy, you can't see the forest for the trees.
She looks like she ran thru the forest and hit every tree.
It was like water off a duck's back.
Source: Internet
He's so clumsy he'd trip over a cordless phone.
He's about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.
That's about as useful as a trap door on a canoe.
He couldn't carry a tune if he had a bucket with a lid on it.
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.
He was so fat it was easier to go over top of him than around him.
He's Higher than a Georgia pine
I'm fixin' to go down the road a piece
Dumb as a bucket of rocks.
I'll knock you so hard you'll see tomorrow today.
Somebody beat him with the ugly stick
Good night a livin'
That wall is all catawampus.
She's got more nerve than Carter's got Liver Pills.
Your behine is grass and I'm the lawnmower!
If you don't stop that crying, I'll give you something to cry about!
If a bullfrog had wings, he wouldn't bump his behine when he jumped.
I had to go around my elbow to get to my thumb.
Why are you just sitting there like a bump on a pickle.
That woman had forty 'leven kids!
Now ain't that just the berries!
She's just barking up the wrong tree.
Don't bite off more than you can chew.
Don't count your chickens until they hatch.
Don't let your mouth overload your tail.
You either fish or cut bait.
Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then.
We got the short end of the stick on that deal.
Hey don't just go hog wild.
They go to bed with the chickens.
Little Miss Priss is shore above her raisin'.
Why have you got your feathers ruffled.
He's as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.
I don't have no axe to grind.
Why do you holler like a stuck pig.
Well I do declare.
He's sittin in high cotton.
I haven't seen him or her in a coon's age.
The act like two peas in a pod.
I believe that you two need to mend fences.
Now that's scarcer than hen's teeth.
Now she's a sight for sore eyes.
Were back in our own stomping grounds.
The sun don't shine on the same dog's tail all the time.
Now that takes the cake.
That ones too big for his britches.
I can do that in two shakes of a sheep's tail.
Well, jest shut my mouth.
That boy was running around like a chicken with his head cut off!
That baby's cuter than a speckled pup in a red wagon.
It's hotter out here than two goats in a pepper patch.
That woman would argue with a fence post.
That fellow gives me the heebie jeebies.
I really ruffled her feathers.
I do declare!
I really think this time I've bitten off more than I can chew!
You're barkin' up the wrong tree now boy.
Boy, you can't see the forest for the trees.
She looks like she ran thru the forest and hit every tree.
It was like water off a duck's back.
Source: Internet
Friday, March 1, 2013
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)