Men
Are Just Happier People --
What do
you expect from such simple creatures?
Your
last name stays put.
The
garage is all yours.
Wedding
plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate
is just another snack...
You can
never be pregnant.
You can
wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can
wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car
mechanics tell you the truth.
The
world is your urinal.
You
never have to drive to another gas station restroom because
this one is just too icky.
You
don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt.
Same
work, more pay.
Wrinkles
add character.
Wedding
dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People
never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New
shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One
mood all the time.
Phone
conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You
know stuff about tanks.
A
five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can
open all your own jars.
If
someone forgets to invite you, He or she can
still be your friend.
Your
underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three
pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Everything
on your face stays its original color.
The
same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You
only have to shave your face and neck.
You can
play with toys all your life.
One
wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can
wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can
'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You
have freedom of choice concerning growing a
mustache.
You can
do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in
25 minutes.
________________________________
Men Are
Just Happier People
Nicknames:
If
Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each
other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out,
they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba
and Wildman.
Eating Out:
When
the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20,
even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have
anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change
back.
When
the girls get their bill, out come the pocket
calculators...YEP!!!
Money:
A man
will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman
will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need
but it's on sale.
Bathrooms:
A man
has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The
average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these
items.
Arguments:
A
woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything
a man says after that is the beginning of a new
argument.
Future:
A woman
worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man
never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Marriage:
A
woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't.
A
man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she
does.
Dressing Up:
A woman
will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man
will dress up for church, weddings and funerals.
Natural:
Men
wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women
somehow deteriorate during the night.
Offspring:
Ah,
children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and romances, best friends,
favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man
is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Thought For The Day:
A
married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two
people remembering the same thing!
SO,
send
this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle
it ....
and to
the men who will enjoy reading it.