“If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re misinformed.” Mark Twain
Source: Internet
Friday, April 27, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Candy Bar Stories
Do you remember these candies and this is one of the stories made up using candy bar names?
It's the fourth of July!
Mike & Ike took their little sister, Baby Ruth, to the Fifth Avenue fireworks display. Their friend Heath and his little sister Joy went with them. Mr. Goodbar and Big Daddy were in charge of the fireworks display. They were the biggest airheads and nerds around. It wasn’t long ago, they spent time in jail for going bonkers, when they went on a spree, throwing bottle caps at everyone, at the movies, the "Three Musketeers." They were just a couple of jolly ranchers that rarely came to town, except on pay day.
Mrs. Watchamacallit (I never could say her name) kept saying "Oh Henry" every time her husband set off one of his big cherry bombs. Their kids, the little runts, were the biggest cry babies around. Booths were set up with mounds of fireworks for sale. Mike & Ike bought Baby Ruth and Joy some twizzlers and razzles, which were fun but harmless. Mainly, all they did was Krackel, like pop rocks. For themselves and Heath, they bought some red hots and big cherry bombs. It was a beautiful night for fireworks, not a cloud in sight, and when the starburst went up, it seemed to blend in with the milky way. "Ooh’s" and "ahh’s" could be heard, along with a few snickers (from a few smarties), as the last of the fireworks were set off.
It was a long night for Baby Ruth and Joy. Especially after they ran into Mrs. Butterfinger and her kids Kit & Kat. They fell asleep on the way home and looked so sweet, like little sugar babies. It was such a wonderful night. Author Unknown A Candy Bar Saga MR. GOODBAR & his wife CARAMELLO got married on 5th AVENUE in BONKERS, CA.
They didn't have a lot of money, so they had to wait until PAYDAY.
They decided to get married so quick that they didn't have a best man or maid of honor. They had acted like a couple of AIRHEADS, so they stood outside the courthouse & wrung their hands.
"Quit being a couple of CRYBABIES.
We'll stand up with you," a couple said.
"But we don't know your names", CARAMELLO said.
"I'm the JOLLY RANCHER who lives just outside of town" the man said.
"And my name is HENRY." "OH HENRY", CARAMELLO said.
"Thank you so much for doing this for us." "And what is your name", MR. GOODBAR said to the woman? "My name is PIXIE STIX", she said. After the ceremony, they all went to a hastily planned wedding reception given by MR. GOODBAR'S good friends, MIKE & IKE. The two men & the groom had always been good friends. They'd been like the THREE MUSKETEERS since high school. CARAMELLO's 2 best friends, TOOTSIE ROLL & KIT KAT were there, too. In the middle of the table was a beautiful cake. It had white icing with pink DOTS on it. On the top was a BIG CHERRY. After the cake was cut, MIKE & IKE were going to be SMARTIES & pass pieces of cake out. The pieces looked like RUNTS, they were so small. Just as TOOTSIE ROLL was handed her cake, Mike was a BUTTERFINGER & dropped it on the floor. "You guys are such GOOBERS", MR. GOODBAR said. TOOTSIE ROLL & KIT KAT quickly ran over & cleaned it up. "You guys are such LIFE SAVERS", said CARAMELLO. MIKE & IKE can be such NERDS. CARAMELLO didn't appreciate their SNICKERS & gave the men dirty looks.
After the reception, they went outside just in time to see a beautiful STARBURST. Then they walked over to the MARS BAR & everyone had a few drinks to celebrate the wedding. They'd wished upon a star, & sure enough, they hit the lottery & won ONE HUNDRED GRAND. They went on a shopping SPREE & bought a house with tons of POP ROCKS in the yard. As the years went on, the had a son & named him HEATH. CARAMELLO tried to nurse him, but her MOUNDS had dried up. They were MILK DUDS.
BIG DADDY went to the store & brought home some formula to feed little HEATH. Two years later, they had a little daughter & they named their little BABY RUTH. This time all went well & CARAMELLO was able to feed her baby GOOD & PLENTY. But CARAMELLO said to MR. GOODBAR "You aren't going to get the RED HOTS for me anymore! No more SUGAR BABIES in this house!" MR. GOODBAR went out to the garage with his head hung low, listenening to the leaves KRACKEL under his feet. He knew he'd eaten way too many JUNIOR MINTS & too much COTTON CANDY. He knew that was why she didn't want him anymore. He had a JELLY BELLY & she wasn't attracted to his WATCHAMACALIT anymore.
The whole situation had just turned NUT RAGEOUS!
Source: Internet
It's the fourth of July!
Mike & Ike took their little sister, Baby Ruth, to the Fifth Avenue fireworks display. Their friend Heath and his little sister Joy went with them. Mr. Goodbar and Big Daddy were in charge of the fireworks display. They were the biggest airheads and nerds around. It wasn’t long ago, they spent time in jail for going bonkers, when they went on a spree, throwing bottle caps at everyone, at the movies, the "Three Musketeers." They were just a couple of jolly ranchers that rarely came to town, except on pay day.
Mrs. Watchamacallit (I never could say her name) kept saying "Oh Henry" every time her husband set off one of his big cherry bombs. Their kids, the little runts, were the biggest cry babies around. Booths were set up with mounds of fireworks for sale. Mike & Ike bought Baby Ruth and Joy some twizzlers and razzles, which were fun but harmless. Mainly, all they did was Krackel, like pop rocks. For themselves and Heath, they bought some red hots and big cherry bombs. It was a beautiful night for fireworks, not a cloud in sight, and when the starburst went up, it seemed to blend in with the milky way. "Ooh’s" and "ahh’s" could be heard, along with a few snickers (from a few smarties), as the last of the fireworks were set off.
It was a long night for Baby Ruth and Joy. Especially after they ran into Mrs. Butterfinger and her kids Kit & Kat. They fell asleep on the way home and looked so sweet, like little sugar babies. It was such a wonderful night. Author Unknown A Candy Bar Saga MR. GOODBAR & his wife CARAMELLO got married on 5th AVENUE in BONKERS, CA.
They didn't have a lot of money, so they had to wait until PAYDAY.
They decided to get married so quick that they didn't have a best man or maid of honor. They had acted like a couple of AIRHEADS, so they stood outside the courthouse & wrung their hands.
"Quit being a couple of CRYBABIES.
We'll stand up with you," a couple said.
"But we don't know your names", CARAMELLO said.
"I'm the JOLLY RANCHER who lives just outside of town" the man said.
"And my name is HENRY." "OH HENRY", CARAMELLO said.
"Thank you so much for doing this for us." "And what is your name", MR. GOODBAR said to the woman? "My name is PIXIE STIX", she said. After the ceremony, they all went to a hastily planned wedding reception given by MR. GOODBAR'S good friends, MIKE & IKE. The two men & the groom had always been good friends. They'd been like the THREE MUSKETEERS since high school. CARAMELLO's 2 best friends, TOOTSIE ROLL & KIT KAT were there, too. In the middle of the table was a beautiful cake. It had white icing with pink DOTS on it. On the top was a BIG CHERRY. After the cake was cut, MIKE & IKE were going to be SMARTIES & pass pieces of cake out. The pieces looked like RUNTS, they were so small. Just as TOOTSIE ROLL was handed her cake, Mike was a BUTTERFINGER & dropped it on the floor. "You guys are such GOOBERS", MR. GOODBAR said. TOOTSIE ROLL & KIT KAT quickly ran over & cleaned it up. "You guys are such LIFE SAVERS", said CARAMELLO. MIKE & IKE can be such NERDS. CARAMELLO didn't appreciate their SNICKERS & gave the men dirty looks.
After the reception, they went outside just in time to see a beautiful STARBURST. Then they walked over to the MARS BAR & everyone had a few drinks to celebrate the wedding. They'd wished upon a star, & sure enough, they hit the lottery & won ONE HUNDRED GRAND. They went on a shopping SPREE & bought a house with tons of POP ROCKS in the yard. As the years went on, the had a son & named him HEATH. CARAMELLO tried to nurse him, but her MOUNDS had dried up. They were MILK DUDS.
BIG DADDY went to the store & brought home some formula to feed little HEATH. Two years later, they had a little daughter & they named their little BABY RUTH. This time all went well & CARAMELLO was able to feed her baby GOOD & PLENTY. But CARAMELLO said to MR. GOODBAR "You aren't going to get the RED HOTS for me anymore! No more SUGAR BABIES in this house!" MR. GOODBAR went out to the garage with his head hung low, listenening to the leaves KRACKEL under his feet. He knew he'd eaten way too many JUNIOR MINTS & too much COTTON CANDY. He knew that was why she didn't want him anymore. He had a JELLY BELLY & she wasn't attracted to his WATCHAMACALIT anymore.
The whole situation had just turned NUT RAGEOUS!
Source: Internet
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Oh Nuts...,
Oh Nuts.....
Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills
picking hickory nuts. Along the way, they filled their
small pails and then started to fill
their pockets and shirts.
When they could hold no more nuts, they started
down the country road until they came across a cemetery.
The boys decided that would be a good
place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts.
The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree
and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping
all of the nuts in a large pile.
In the process, two of them rolled away and
rested near the road. The boys then proceeded to
divide out the nuts. “One for you. One for me.
One for you. One for me.”
As they were doing this, another boy was passing
by and happened to hear them. He looked into the
cemetery, but could not see the boys, because
they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a
moment and then ran back to town.
“Father! Father!” he yelled as he entered his house.
“The cemetery. Come quick!”
“What’s the matter?” his father asked.
“No time to explain,” the boy frantically panted. “Follow me!”
The boy and his father ran up the country road
and stopped when they reached the cemetery.
They stopped at the side of the road and all fell
silent for a few moments. Then the father asked
his son what was wrong.
“Do you hear that?” he whispered. Both people
listened intently and heard the Scouts. “One for me.
One for you. One for me. One for you…”
The boy then blurted out, “The devil and the Lord
are dividing the souls!”
The father was skeptical but silent — until a few
moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out
the nuts and one Scout said to the other, “Now, as
soon as we get those two nuts down by the road,
we’ll have them all.”
They say the father made it back to town 5 minutes
before the boy!
Source: Internet Email
Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills
picking hickory nuts. Along the way, they filled their
small pails and then started to fill
their pockets and shirts.
When they could hold no more nuts, they started
down the country road until they came across a cemetery.
The boys decided that would be a good
place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts.
The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree
and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping
all of the nuts in a large pile.
In the process, two of them rolled away and
rested near the road. The boys then proceeded to
divide out the nuts. “One for you. One for me.
One for you. One for me.”
As they were doing this, another boy was passing
by and happened to hear them. He looked into the
cemetery, but could not see the boys, because
they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a
moment and then ran back to town.
“Father! Father!” he yelled as he entered his house.
“The cemetery. Come quick!”
“What’s the matter?” his father asked.
“No time to explain,” the boy frantically panted. “Follow me!”
The boy and his father ran up the country road
and stopped when they reached the cemetery.
They stopped at the side of the road and all fell
silent for a few moments. Then the father asked
his son what was wrong.
“Do you hear that?” he whispered. Both people
listened intently and heard the Scouts. “One for me.
One for you. One for me. One for you…”
The boy then blurted out, “The devil and the Lord
are dividing the souls!”
The father was skeptical but silent — until a few
moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out
the nuts and one Scout said to the other, “Now, as
soon as we get those two nuts down by the road,
we’ll have them all.”
They say the father made it back to town 5 minutes
before the boy!
Source: Internet Email
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
A Twinkle In Your Wrinkle ....,
This is wonderful and the thought at the end is so true!
Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.
Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.
Please read the following quietly then send it back on its journey
To realize the value of a sister/brother, ask someone who doesn't have one..
To realize the value of ten years: ask a newly divorced couple.
To realize the value of four years: ask a graduate.
To realize the value of one year: ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize the value of nine months: ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize the value of one month: ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one minute: ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize the value of one-second: ask a person who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one--treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend or family member: LOSE ONE.
The origin of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.
Remember.... hold on tight to the ones you love!
Do not keep this letter.
Send it to friends & family to whom you wish a good, long, happy, life.
Source: Email
Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.
Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.
Please read the following quietly then send it back on its journey
To realize the value of a sister/brother, ask someone who doesn't have one..
To realize the value of ten years: ask a newly divorced couple.
To realize the value of four years: ask a graduate.
To realize the value of one year: ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize the value of nine months: ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize the value of one month: ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one minute: ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize the value of one-second: ask a person who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one--treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend or family member: LOSE ONE.
The origin of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.
Remember.... hold on tight to the ones you love!
Do not keep this letter.
Send it to friends & family to whom you wish a good, long, happy, life.
Source: Email
