Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Advice From A Farmer

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Don't judge folks by their relatives.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Author Unknown

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Kids Growing Up

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat a bite raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper, in a brown paper bag, not in icepack coolers, but I can't remember anybody getting e.coli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

We all took gym, not PE...and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built-in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened, because they tell us how much safer we are now.

Flunking gym was not an option...Even for the stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the National Anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches.

What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything, and she could even give you an aspirin for a headache or fever.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself. I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 279 digital TV cable stations.

Oh yeah...and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked!

Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either, because if we did, we got our butt spanked there, and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home. I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.

Author Unknown

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Shampoo Joke

I NEVER KNEW THIS!!! This INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU USE IT In The SHOWER!!!!

WARNING TO ALL!!!

YOU NEED TO READ THIS. DON'T DELETE IT BEFORE READING!
I HAVE JUST RECEIVED THIS WARNING!

Shampoo Warning

I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!

I use shampoo in the shower!

When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and there it is, Printed very clearly on the shampoo label, this warning:

"FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY."

No wonder I have been gaining weight!

Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am now using Dawn dish detergent instead.

Its label reads:

"DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."

Problem solved!

If I don't answer the phone I'll be in the shower!

Ha! Ha! I just wanted to share this one with you.

Source: Internet